Book Review: Forgiveness

I read the book "Forgiveness" by Iyanla Vanzant.   I received the book from Hay House for review purposes.  I was not compensated for the review and it is based on my own personal experience and opinion.

The book walks readers through a 21 day program of forgiveness to heal yourself.  It challenges us to let of past hurts and embrace a new pattern using the power of forgiveness.  The book obviously caught my attention because I wanted to read it. I was not prepared for how it would change me.

 It walks readers through each step including a daily mediation, prayer, journaling, tapping and a gratitude meditation.  I really liked the straightforward steps.  While it sounds like a lot to do each day, it really only takes 30 to 60 minutes.  In fact, each time I was closer to 30 minutes.

When I first received the book, I thought I had few things to forgive but couldn't imagine each forgiveness applied to me.  Was I wrong.  She identifies your mother, father, yourself,  your partner, your judgments, and even God.  I was surprised how much I had to forgive, especially myself.  The insights I had about myself were powerful and many were surprising.  So surprising that I went through it quicker than 21 days because I could not wait to get to the next step of forgiveness.  Each step lead to a feeling of relief and encouragement.  The relief surprised me because I did not realize the burdens I had been carrying.  Forgiveness is a powerful, uplifting emotion.

I would highly recommend this book for anyone on any journey.  You may be surprised at what you realize about yourself!  I am grateful to Iyanla Vanzant for guiding me on my journey!

Time Together

The girls want to go on vacation.  It seems like a reasonable request especially given everything that  QiuLu has gone through.

She wants to camp.  I am not really the camping type.  I tried that once before QiuLu joined the family.  The easy part was putting up the tent.  The difficult part was starting a fire, cooking, keeping dry during the storms (and there were many) and horse back riding.  None of it is for me. When I was growing up, we only took two vacations and both involved a tent and camping.  I remember laying awake at night vowing to myself that when I grew up,  I would earn enough money to stay in a hotel  And that is my reality.  I am just not good at camping.  It's too rustic for me.  Hotels, pools and hot tubs are more friendly for me.

Perhaps we will go to Disney World.  QiuLu loves Mickey Mouse.  She would just an encounter with Mickey, himself!  Perhaps we can figure out the timing, her medication schedule and how to transport the meds and finances.

You Are One In a Million

QiuLu has strabismus.  Some websites indicate this may be related to Bartter's Syndrome.  In any case, we came to the point where surgery was the only option.  It was scheduled before the diagnosis of Bartter's Syndrome was made.

Because the medical community has very little answers about Bartter's Syndrome, I prefer to use Google.  That gets me in trouble most times.  It is my only option and I am unable to get guidance from her physicians.  I am tired of being asked to spell the name of Bartter's Syndrome  and all her medications.  Shouldn't they know???

Anyway, Google has a lot of information that may be difficult to manage a patient with Bartter Syndrome under anesthesia.  I tried for several weeks to make sure those taking care of her on the day of surgery would receive the information so they would be prepared.  I was assured the anesthesiologist would have the details three days before surgery.

The day before surgery we had not received the pre-surgery call.  So I called.  When I was able to talk to someone, I tried to explain the Bartter Syndrome again.  It was clear she was hearing the words but not the message.  She continued to respond to my concerns by telling me that they were all mothers in pre-procedure planning and they understood.  She clearly does not understand that dehydration is of higher concern with this child than a child who does not have Bartter Syndrome.  She also does not understand that I am scared.  This is a new diagnosis for us and no one, not one person, can share information with us.  I become overwhelmed and begin crying that no one cares that no one cares if something happens to this child.  No one that is except for me. That gets her attention.  She offers to page the anesthesiologist. 

The surgeon told us the pre-procedure planning nurse would advise us on QiuLu's medications for the day of surgery.  She receives them every 12 hours and they help me to maintain electrolytes which are important every day but especially during surgery.  Well, the nurse refused.  The surgeon's office refused.  What was I going to do?  I do not have medical background.

They tell me she can have clear liquids until 5:00 a.m. Because she must take her medications with food, I decide to alter medication schedule instead of skipping it.  I wake her up at 4:00 a.m. and ask her to drink a Pedialyte Clear and give her the medication.  Hopefully this will help her maintain her electrolytes during surgery.  This would be so much easier if someone who knew something about medicine were guiding me.

The next day we arrive for surgery and while I am going through the motions, I retain the right to not go through with surgery unless I feel comfortable with the answers.  The anesthesiologist arrives and begins by saying he does not have answers to my questions about Bartter's Syndrome.  Strangely that comforts me.  He is the first person that outright admits he.  I explain that I do not expect him to have all the answers.  I know this is rare.  It is estimated to affect 1 in 1.2 million.  Yes, QiuLu you are truly one in a million, baby. 

He does listen to me.  He hears my concerns.  He pulls his stool over to the computer and asks me to take him to the abstracts I read.  He reads them.  He explains what he will do if she has those complications.  He makes no promises but he does provide me comfort, assurance and confidence.

You, doctor, are one a million too.