Gotcha Day

Don't you just love those words?  I do!  Even though this all occurred 11 years ago, those words still bring love and happiness to my heart.

After we arrived in province, we hurried to the hotel then to the governmental affairs office.  In a separate room, we could hear babies crying, one rather loudly.  We were in a separate room so we could not see them. 

Prior to this moment, the other mothers were excited.  For days they kept asking me if I felt excited too.  I felt nothing.  No one emotion, nothing.  I told my Mom that I thought it may be a sign that something was wrong and adoption would not proceed.

As the babies cried, I still felt nothing.  I had never in my life felt void of all emotion.  I prepared myself to be the last person to receive her child.  I also told my mom that the baby that was crying the loudest was most likely mine.  Optimism at its best. :)

Well, I was not last.  I was second.  I didn't know what to expect as they called me before the first couple walked back into the room where we waited.  They took me down the hall to where the babies were.  The nannies asked me if I could pick out my baby.  WHAT??  I wondered I would do that since I only had one picture and who knows how long ago that was taken.  I also wondered if I picked incorrectly, if they kept the baby.  It doesn't make sense, I know but I felt vulnerable.

I scanned the room and said I didn't know I could do this but I pointed to one.  All the nannies broke into laughter.  To myself, I thought they were laughing that I did not know my own child.  At that moment, the nanny holding the baby I pointed took a step forward as she looked at the baby and said "Mama" while pointed to me."  I picked correctly!   Not only that but right before was the person that I waited my whole life to meet.  The baby nervously smiled and reached her arms out to me.  (I had sent a picture book of me and other she would meet. It was clear the nannies had shared it with her and she had it in her hands at that moment.  Her reaction was most likely  a response a familiarity.)

I carried her back to the other room.  She was nervous but not crying.  For the next several minutes, life was surreal.  There was a lot of commotion around us but to me, my daughter and I were the only two that existed in the universe.

By the time we boarded the bus for the ride back to the hotel, my daughter was laughing.  At one year old, she was perfect.  Perfect in every way.

That is how I became a mother.  This is the highlight of my life.