Something is Missing

I loved being a mother to my daughter.  What could be better?  Maybe a mother to two?

That was not an easy task.  When I leave this planet, I want my daughter to have someone else who is family.  Finally in 2006 I was approved to adopt again.

My then five year old was not happy.  She could articulate that she did not want to share me or her toys.  But this was not her decision, it was mine.  And so the wait began again.

During the extremely long wait (of which I will spare you the details), I informed my agency that I was open to a waiting child.  They graciously took all the information but shared that they preferred two parents for waiting children.  Understood.

A few years later, I received an email from my agency asking if I would consider a waiting child who was described a being born premature.  Not much information was available other than the paperwork indicated that at her current age of 4, she was extremely tiny.  The size of a 1 to 2 year old.

I had a medical evaluation of the paperwork done.  The recommendation was not to accept the referral unless China provided more details.  I shared that with the agency who said they would ask but also shared it is very rare to get any more details.  So I declined the referral.  My heart was broken because I had already connected with that little girl.  My older daughter's heart was broken too.  While she was against the adoption, this one she was open to because the child was 4 and not a baby.

Well I may have declined but not everyone did.  Sometimes things that are meant to be will continue to happen regardless of what we do. A few weeks later, the agency sent another email with a one page written narrative about that child.  I had another medical evaluation done but the physician was very short and demanded that I decline the referral as he felt severe malnutrition had set in.  I looked in the eyes of the picture of that sweet child and I felt a connection in my heart.  So I turned to my daughter's pediatrician who said bring her home and it will be slow be we can work on this together.

That's exactly what I did.